[He winces, because even having been recently stabbed, and having experienced a whole host of awful at the Veteran's Center, there's still something just viscerally uncomfortable about the sensation of thread being pulled through skin. But Sharky is making quick work of it, which is appreciated.]
No, but that's not... [Hn.] I don't remember a lot of shit. Most stuff actually. I might randomly remember in a few weeks, but not right now. My brain doesn't... work right anymore. Everything is distorted and wrong, almost like when you try to remember dreams where the more you try the further it slips away.
[But he does try. Closing his eyes and focusing on that instead of the stitchwork happening behind him.]
I remember leaving my room. I was going to go on a patrol because.. there was something. Something. I thought something was going to attack the boat? Jacob said I wouldn't be able to tell a threat from a sacrifice. I don't know what the fuck that means. And I didn't want to be yelling at a fucking hallucination if my roommate came back, so I left.
Went out on the deck, and I kept hearing gunshots, but I knew they weren't real. It was sunny when I first went out there, but when I attacked whoever that was it was dark. So hours later probably, and I don't know what I did during that time. [He's imagining the worst, but the reality is he walked about 20 miles in a circle round and round the deck dozens of times.] She said..What did she say... I didn't even know she was there and she asked me who I killed.
I think I threatened her. Or at least said some crazy fucking shit. And she tried to tell me that we didn't have to fight, that the people here didn't do that. That they were trying to... [Fuck what had she said?] Trying to be better than killing each other.
Then I called her weak.
Everything after that is... all fragmented. I tried to disembowel her, but she wasn't - I dunno she bled wrong. It was like oil. She stabbed me in the shoulder, right in the joint, and I remember thinking about when Jacob did that to me, and then she tried to punch me. But I don't remember anything after that.
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[He winces, because even having been recently stabbed, and having experienced a whole host of awful at the Veteran's Center, there's still something just viscerally uncomfortable about the sensation of thread being pulled through skin. But Sharky is making quick work of it, which is appreciated.]
No, but that's not... [Hn.] I don't remember a lot of shit. Most stuff actually. I might randomly remember in a few weeks, but not right now. My brain doesn't... work right anymore. Everything is distorted and wrong, almost like when you try to remember dreams where the more you try the further it slips away.
[But he does try. Closing his eyes and focusing on that instead of the stitchwork happening behind him.]
I remember leaving my room. I was going to go on a patrol because.. there was something. Something. I thought something was going to attack the boat? Jacob said I wouldn't be able to tell a threat from a sacrifice. I don't know what the fuck that means. And I didn't want to be yelling at a fucking hallucination if my roommate came back, so I left.
Went out on the deck, and I kept hearing gunshots, but I knew they weren't real. It was sunny when I first went out there, but when I attacked whoever that was it was dark. So hours later probably, and I don't know what I did during that time. [He's imagining the worst, but the reality is he walked about 20 miles in a circle round and round the deck dozens of times.] She said..What did she say... I didn't even know she was there and she asked me who I killed.
I think I threatened her. Or at least said some crazy fucking shit. And she tried to tell me that we didn't have to fight, that the people here didn't do that. That they were trying to... [Fuck what had she said?] Trying to be better than killing each other.
Then I called her weak.
Everything after that is... all fragmented. I tried to disembowel her, but she wasn't - I dunno she bled wrong. It was like oil. She stabbed me in the shoulder, right in the joint, and I remember thinking about when Jacob did that to me, and then she tried to punch me. But I don't remember anything after that.
It's her knife though, I remember that much.