[The bro-code is ironclad, he'll abide by it to his dying breath.] I won't say a thing.
[Okay he can't really promise that because he does sometimes say insane shit and then forget, so it's possible that might happen, but he'll try his best.]
Also let's... let's not call it 'going full furry'.
[He has one shred of pride left, please don't go telling people that Pratt can be talked down by furrys.]
...Maybe they should show up. Imagine Joseph standing on the deck and preaching and then the Captain walks up and does some magic shit. Turns his skin inside out or vaporizes him or turns him into a toilet. [That's how magic works right?] Think it's too late for me, everyone probably already thinks I'm crazy. Or well, knows I'm crazy I guess. Besides, you wanna explain how Bliss works to someone? Cuz I sure don't. Jacob straight up told me how it works once and I still don't fucking get it.
[A soft laugh as he heads for the elevator, he's leaning on the wall but doesn't look like he's going to pass out immediately.] I told César about Zip. He was so fucking pissed man. Something about how the science doesn't work to build a teleporter like that.
I shoulda told him to go to Hope County and see for himself.
[Truly, it's the thought that counts. Sharky's pretty sure Pratt will be cool about it either way.]
I mean, that's what it is, but okay.... [EYEROLL. What a fuckin' prude, man...] Yeah, though, like, what's Joseph gonna do? Tell us the world's ending and we're all gonna die? Turns out that's, uhhh, not a big deal here, so he'd be fucked.
[Sharky would absolutely take a shit in a toilet that housed the consciousness of Joseph Seed. He wouldn't flush, either.]
The fuck is he gonna know about how our shit works? Zip was a fuckin' nutjob but he was a genius, man, if anybody could build a teleporter in their backyard, it was that motherfucker. [Sharky's pretty sure the guy just vaporized himself, TBH, but still, cool idea, right?]
Pretty sure if we told people the cult used hallucinogenic methamphetamines to brainwash innocent civilians, they'd get the point. Uhhh, except you'd have to explain meth to most of them. Turns out, that is not a common drug across reality!
Also already happened so, he's old news. [What's more insulting than hipster gatekeeping the apocalypse from Joseph Seed.]
Makes me wonder if all of Zip's stories were true, like aliens and NASA and shit. Because he.. pretty much built a teleporter out of car batteries and that's fucking impressive.
Really? What drugs do people have in other places? Anything good?
Man... just think, Zip could be up there on Mars right now surrounded by hot alien tail and laughing his ass off at all of us on Earth. Fuck, man, that would honestly be the best news. A junkyard teleporter... if that ain't what Montana is all about, I dunno what is.
[You think that elevator's moved since they came down? Probably. Sharky's gonna slap the shit out of the button regardless of whether or not the car is actually there.]
I, uhhh, haven't actually asked around. I was so busy tryin' all the weird drinks that I forgot! I bet it's all like, weird knock-off weed shit. Like that shit Gandalf smoked in the hobbit movie. [...he means The Lord of the Rings.] They just do not all have home-brewed crystal.
You know what, I hope he is. I hope Zip is on Mars just having orgies constantly and sitting on a lounge chair buck naked with a cigar watching the Earth explode.
[Pratt's pretty sure he turned into a fine red mist trying to use said teleporter, but hey, if he didn't maybe he's having himself a grand time.]
Weird. You'd think everyone would have an upper and a downer. The one you smoke when you're cramming for a test or need to clean your entire house in a day, and the one to recover from that shit and zone out into another plane of existence. [World's best cop right here who's definitely done all of that. He leans against the wall waiting for the elevator to come back.] Maybe it's better though, maybe they live in places that have ten different kinds of E.
[As if Sharky doesn't know the name of every dealer and user in the county... He ain't judging now, but it definitely reaffirms his ACAB sentiments.]
Man, I should ask around. Maybe somebody's got a stash of some, like... euphoria berries or something they'd let us try. [Finding something for Pratt to get zonked on sounds like a solid plan, anyway.] At least one person on this ship has some kinda drug that would be radical to try and I want it.
[For both of them! ...but you know, if there's only enough for one of them then, like... rock paper scissors for it?]
[The elevator cheerfully chirps to announce it's presence and Pratt had never been happier to see a glass box ready to take him to his room.]
I'd be happy with some fentanyl and sleep for three days straight. Just knock me the fuck out. Maybe that's what I need.
[He is on board with the keeping Pratt loopy and sleepy plan.]
Kinda weird the buffet food is all normal. Why isn't there shit from other people's worlds. I want ice cream in flavors of berries that don't exist. Or I dunno... space pasta.
[Sharky's just hoping Pratt makes it back to his room before collapsing. Ugh, it probably hurts pretty bad. They're both used to going without painkillers for minor(ish) injuries, but that still doesn't stop his sympathy.]
Me fuckin' too, man! I mean, the food here is delish, no lie, but it's all fuckin' normal shit. Must suck if your favorite comfort food is, like, roast wampa or some shit... [He's glad his comfort food is bacon, Doritos and energy drinks, that's for sure.] Closest I've gotten is by, like, orderin' weird shit at the bar, but I think that's just sorta me fuckin' with the ghosts. Brad's cool and all, but I don't think he knows how to actually make a Pan Galactic whatever-the-fuck.
[It does in fact hurt pretty bad, but he's powering through. Actually the loopy lightheadedness is helping a lot, because it means he can't focus on the pain, or much of anything really.]
Right, or what if you're a robot and eat circuit boards or something? Actually.... what are the vampires eating?
[Wait wait... He'd always thought it weird that Claudia is a child wandering around with a coffee cup, but being that he's 90% caffeine himself he never really questioned that. It has never occurred to him before this moment that what's in there is absolutely not coffee.]
Oh! Ohhhh. Yeah... Okay that makes sense. Nevermind. I wonder if it's like.. seasoned? Do the vampires get blood in all the varieties that Pepsi comes in?
[Cuz if he was a vampire, he'd want the Mountain Dew option.]
[Maybe they should have taken more than 10 seconds to look through the array of pain medication before deciding nah, but sometimes you gotta be a real dumb alpha dick about things.]
There was blood ice cream, for sure. I dunno if it was really sweet or anything... [He should ask!] I figure it's probably somethin' you could mix, like, bullion cubes or somethin' in, right? Like a stew or somethin'.
And yeah, obviously I named a bartender. I dunno which one, though, so I just call 'em all that now.
[If there's one thing that Pratt is an expert at it's self sabotaging himself in pursuit of some alpha manly image. He's a fucking pro.]
Being a vampire must suck. Only get to eat one thing forever? That's gotta blow. I thought I could live on pizza until I was working at 8-Bit Pizza in high school and super broke and basically ate pizza nonstop cuz it was free. I couldn't look at a slice for months after I quit that place.
Hate not being able to see the ghosts here. Creeps me out.
[He's getting real drowsy, and as soon as the door to the elevator opens he's stumbling out and headed for his room. Because it's going to take everything in him to pass out in his bed instead of on the floor. Maybe his roommate can just... walk around him or something.]
Man, we used to hole up in there sometimes when Rook was out, y'know, bein' Rook. Thought I'd never stop smellin' like garlic and dishwater.
[Sharky's room is literally right there, but he ignores the sweet sanctity of his bed for just a few minutes longer. There's no way he isn't making sure Pratt conks out in his bed and not like, halfway down the hall or something.]
Here, man, comin' in on your good side. [Which is enough warning, probably, but he's still careful about putting hands on Pratt. But the guy is literally gonna fall over without somebody propping him up, and Sharky's got that much in the bag.
Of course, if Pratt waves him off, he's backing off. He's not an idiot!]
Dunno if I wanna see them, y'know? That's like, true horror movie shit. I'm good with them doin' their ghost shit on their weird ghost-plane or whatever.
If anything survived the apocalypse it would be the gluten free dough there. I swear that stuff was cornmeal, rocks, and glue. It was awful. But those weird yuppies from California who show up to do 'eco-tourism' fucking loved it.
[And sometimes they loved sampling the local flavor in better ways than pizza so you know.. all worked out.]
Yeah, okay. [He is woozy enough to lean against Sharky, no questions asked, no manly posturing required.] Feel bad they have to make our beds and feed us and we can't even say thanks. Aren't you supposed to tip housekeeping staff? What am I supposed to do, leave them ghost dollars?
[Pratt's tail-tales would honestly put any and all of Sharky's to shame. Not one involves furries, though, which is kind of a bummer.]
Maybe it's like in the stores, and if you just... pretend to leave some money out, they'll be satisfied? So, uh, yeah. Ghost dollars.
[Sharky can see Pratt's door down the hall, which is great. But he's thinking it over now and honestly, the guy could probably use some more advil or something for when he wakes up...]
Yo, lemme have your key. I'll go grab some shit for you in the infirmary so you can, y'know. Zonk the fuck out.
[He would trade all his sexual escapades for not being a psycho disaster. But since he can't, at least he has good stories.
Unfortunately he's fading fast, Sharky only gets a grunt in response, as he digs around in his pocket with his good arm, and holds a key out in his general direction.
As soon as the door is open he's going to head for the bed and collapse face first into it with a groan. He'll be glad his roommate isn't there, but right now he's pretty much forgotten she exists. It's time to pass out and pretend this didn't happen.]
[There, there, little guy, it's all okay now. Safe in his bed and passed the fuck out, and Sharky does literally the barest-minimum cleanup around the bed before bouncing out of the room. Back down he goes to the infirmary, to dig up some Vicodin or something for Pratt to take when he wakes up. Maybe some aspirin??
...He finds a lot of opiates. Cocaine syrup, opium drops, an entire fuckin' menagerie of old-timey medicines that would put him behind prison bars at home.
...He takes quite a few of them to stuff into his pockets. FOR PRATT, OBVIOUSLY. The guy needs it and it isn't like Sharky's much of a user. But, like. You know. It's liquid cocaine, man. He's got to keep some in his room for. You know. Emergencies.
Sharky sneaks back into Pratt's room, and leaves one little tincture bottle of what's probably enough opium to kill a horse, plus a cup of water and his phone, well within in reach in case he wakes up losing his mind again. There there, lil' fella. You'll be okay after a couple of days of opiate abuse.]
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[Okay he can't really promise that because he does sometimes say insane shit and then forget, so it's possible that might happen, but he'll try his best.]
Also let's... let's not call it 'going full furry'.
[He has one shred of pride left, please don't go telling people that Pratt can be talked down by furrys.]
...Maybe they should show up. Imagine Joseph standing on the deck and preaching and then the Captain walks up and does some magic shit. Turns his skin inside out or vaporizes him or turns him into a toilet. [That's how magic works right?] Think it's too late for me, everyone probably already thinks I'm crazy. Or well, knows I'm crazy I guess. Besides, you wanna explain how Bliss works to someone? Cuz I sure don't. Jacob straight up told me how it works once and I still don't fucking get it.
[A soft laugh as he heads for the elevator, he's leaning on the wall but doesn't look like he's going to pass out immediately.] I told César about Zip. He was so fucking pissed man. Something about how the science doesn't work to build a teleporter like that.
I shoulda told him to go to Hope County and see for himself.
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I mean, that's what it is, but okay.... [EYEROLL. What a fuckin' prude, man...] Yeah, though, like, what's Joseph gonna do? Tell us the world's ending and we're all gonna die? Turns out that's, uhhh, not a big deal here, so he'd be fucked.
[Sharky would absolutely take a shit in a toilet that housed the consciousness of Joseph Seed. He wouldn't flush, either.]
The fuck is he gonna know about how our shit works? Zip was a fuckin' nutjob but he was a genius, man, if anybody could build a teleporter in their backyard, it was that motherfucker. [Sharky's pretty sure the guy just vaporized himself, TBH, but still, cool idea, right?]
Pretty sure if we told people the cult used hallucinogenic methamphetamines to brainwash innocent civilians, they'd get the point. Uhhh, except you'd have to explain meth to most of them. Turns out, that is not a common drug across reality!
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Makes me wonder if all of Zip's stories were true, like aliens and NASA and shit. Because he.. pretty much built a teleporter out of car batteries and that's fucking impressive.
Really? What drugs do people have in other places? Anything good?
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[You think that elevator's moved since they came down? Probably. Sharky's gonna slap the shit out of the button regardless of whether or not the car is actually there.]
I, uhhh, haven't actually asked around. I was so busy tryin' all the weird drinks that I forgot! I bet it's all like, weird knock-off weed shit. Like that shit Gandalf smoked in the hobbit movie. [...he means The Lord of the Rings.] They just do not all have home-brewed crystal.
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[Pratt's pretty sure he turned into a fine red mist trying to use said teleporter, but hey, if he didn't maybe he's having himself a grand time.]
Weird. You'd think everyone would have an upper and a downer. The one you smoke when you're cramming for a test or need to clean your entire house in a day, and the one to recover from that shit and zone out into another plane of existence. [World's best cop right here who's definitely done all of that. He leans against the wall waiting for the elevator to come back.] Maybe it's better though, maybe they live in places that have ten different kinds of E.
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Man, I should ask around. Maybe somebody's got a stash of some, like... euphoria berries or something they'd let us try. [Finding something for Pratt to get zonked on sounds like a solid plan, anyway.] At least one person on this ship has some kinda drug that would be radical to try and I want it.
[For both of them! ...but you know, if there's only enough for one of them then, like... rock paper scissors for it?]
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I'd be happy with some fentanyl and sleep for three days straight. Just knock me the fuck out. Maybe that's what I need.
[He is on board with the keeping Pratt loopy and sleepy plan.]
Kinda weird the buffet food is all normal. Why isn't there shit from other people's worlds. I want ice cream in flavors of berries that don't exist. Or I dunno... space pasta.
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Me fuckin' too, man! I mean, the food here is delish, no lie, but it's all fuckin' normal shit. Must suck if your favorite comfort food is, like, roast wampa or some shit... [He's glad his comfort food is bacon, Doritos and energy drinks, that's for sure.] Closest I've gotten is by, like, orderin' weird shit at the bar, but I think that's just sorta me fuckin' with the ghosts. Brad's cool and all, but I don't think he knows how to actually make a Pan Galactic whatever-the-fuck.
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Right, or what if you're a robot and eat circuit boards or something? Actually.... what are the vampires eating?
[Wait wait... He'd always thought it weird that Claudia is a child wandering around with a coffee cup, but being that he's 90% caffeine himself he never really questioned that. It has never occurred to him before this moment that what's in there is absolutely not coffee.]
Oh! Ohhhh. Yeah... Okay that makes sense. Nevermind. I wonder if it's like.. seasoned? Do the vampires get blood in all the varieties that Pepsi comes in?
[Cuz if he was a vampire, he'd want the Mountain Dew option.]
Brad? Did you name the bartender?
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There was blood ice cream, for sure. I dunno if it was really sweet or anything... [He should ask!] I figure it's probably somethin' you could mix, like, bullion cubes or somethin' in, right? Like a stew or somethin'.
And yeah, obviously I named a bartender. I dunno which one, though, so I just call 'em all that now.
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Being a vampire must suck. Only get to eat one thing forever? That's gotta blow. I thought I could live on pizza until I was working at 8-Bit Pizza in high school and super broke and basically ate pizza nonstop cuz it was free. I couldn't look at a slice for months after I quit that place.
Hate not being able to see the ghosts here. Creeps me out.
[He's getting real drowsy, and as soon as the door to the elevator opens he's stumbling out and headed for his room. Because it's going to take everything in him to pass out in his bed instead of on the floor. Maybe his roommate can just... walk around him or something.]
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[Sharky's room is literally right there, but he ignores the sweet sanctity of his bed for just a few minutes longer. There's no way he isn't making sure Pratt conks out in his bed and not like, halfway down the hall or something.]
Here, man, comin' in on your good side. [Which is enough warning, probably, but he's still careful about putting hands on Pratt. But the guy is literally gonna fall over without somebody propping him up, and Sharky's got that much in the bag.
Of course, if Pratt waves him off, he's backing off. He's not an idiot!]
Dunno if I wanna see them, y'know? That's like, true horror movie shit. I'm good with them doin' their ghost shit on their weird ghost-plane or whatever.
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[And sometimes they loved sampling the local flavor in better ways than pizza so you know.. all worked out.]
Yeah, okay. [He is woozy enough to lean against Sharky, no questions asked, no manly posturing required.] Feel bad they have to make our beds and feed us and we can't even say thanks. Aren't you supposed to tip housekeeping staff? What am I supposed to do, leave them ghost dollars?
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Maybe it's like in the stores, and if you just... pretend to leave some money out, they'll be satisfied? So, uh, yeah. Ghost dollars.
[Sharky can see Pratt's door down the hall, which is great. But he's thinking it over now and honestly, the guy could probably use some more advil or something for when he wakes up...]
Yo, lemme have your key. I'll go grab some shit for you in the infirmary so you can, y'know. Zonk the fuck out.
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Unfortunately he's fading fast, Sharky only gets a grunt in response, as he digs around in his pocket with his good arm, and holds a key out in his general direction.
As soon as the door is open he's going to head for the bed and collapse face first into it with a groan. He'll be glad his roommate isn't there, but right now he's pretty much forgotten she exists. It's time to pass out and pretend this didn't happen.]
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...He finds a lot of opiates. Cocaine syrup, opium drops, an entire fuckin' menagerie of old-timey medicines that would put him behind prison bars at home.
...He takes quite a few of them to stuff into his pockets. FOR PRATT, OBVIOUSLY. The guy needs it and it isn't like Sharky's much of a user. But, like. You know. It's liquid cocaine, man. He's got to keep some in his room for. You know. Emergencies.
Sharky sneaks back into Pratt's room, and leaves one little tincture bottle of what's probably enough opium to kill a horse, plus a cup of water and his phone, well within in reach in case he wakes up losing his mind again. There there, lil' fella. You'll be okay after a couple of days of opiate abuse.]