[Hey wow, he also doesn't want to deal with the emotions coming from those texts, either! But he forces himself to stew in that information for a few minutes, because it's awful and gross and fucking horrifying to think about, but it happened and he's gotta remember that. At the very least so he stops making stupid fucking jokes!!!]
🤕 fuck man that SUUUUUUUUUUCKS
[YEAH HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT ELSE HE CAN SAY THERE WITHOUT GETTING WEIRD]
i mean thats my life yk full of wacky shenanigans n shit
i think it was an eagle like a marine eagle mareagle
the one thats like holding an axe in its talon? if the world wasnt shit they could make a pretty baller show with just the 2 of you doing shit like jackass but rated x and with a lot more fire
woulda made us so muchf uckin $$$ hurk thought bout doin one of those pilots once chickened out after he threw a watermelon off the bridge east of rae raes couldnt see it hit the bottom which u kno it wasnt supposed to do considerin he tied a shit ton of bungie cords to it but i guess some of em came unhooked???? learned a lesson there about what bungie cords can and cannot do
what was it supposed to do? bounce back up so he could catch it in his teeth? it probably cracked in half when it hit the end of the tether
theyre sorta easy to break u can just drop them from normal height and theyll kinda split in half used to do that for the wolves because they look fucking stupid with huge chunks of watermelon in their mouths and that made jacob mad so i did it a lot
he was testin it for himself obvs idk he was gonna work his way up to a pig i think but then yk it snapped and freaked him out told him to put ductape around the joints but like guess its probably better he didnt
aw but dude wolves with watermelons is like top 10 internet shit soulless bastard those fuckin dogs needed some enrichment like its fucked up u had to do anythin for them but like at least they had u man im sure they appreciated the shit outta those watermelons
oh ok yea he would have splattered probs shouldnt have started with homemade bungie cords & done something safer like trying to do a backflip on a 4wheeler while jumping the henbane and mb something is on fire people dig the fire stuff on shows like that woulda been your chance to break into hollywood and get access to the good shit. like military grade napalm
i coulda gone so viral if we still had decent internet access and i had a phone they didnt eat me even when told to so mission accomplished
he got his start somewhere rite? probaly jumping planks of wood on a bike and then working up to cars on fire across pits of spikes with a live tiger int he backseat
im so mad the screen at the pool doesnt work theres the arcade but sometimes i dont wnana play a game i just wanna watch some shit and zone out
i took lucius to the arcade and he was so fucking cute never seen a video game before and then fucking annihilated at pac man
theyre the only thing i got felt bad for them cuz they got hella drugged and the sounds they made were like when you shoot the dogs in resident evil awful kinda wish they didnt have to go thru that but it made them super smart hope some of them survived the collapse chillin in a cave gnawing on the bones of peggies
omg IDR if the arcade has MarioKart but hed probably whip ass at that esp the cool car version i saw there was ddr but my back told me dont u fuckin dare lmao
man there were definitely some smart as fuck dogs out there cap rescued this akita from the highwaymen that was so fuckin smart like boomer kinda but even more had this look in his eye when he watched you like he knew what was goin on and had opinions about it
i bet you some of them survived and like bred a bunch of super dogs fucker was huge i wouldnt put it past him to be part wolf
theres a rip off forza but come on hesnever played a video game before or driven a car. gotta start with the basics aw old man sharky ill bring you snacks and shit if your stuck in bed cuz a storm is coming and your bones hurt
oh sick im gonna pretend it is cuz that makes me feel better a little something good in the bad you know.
lik u need to kno how to drive 2 do good fuckin 9 yos can whip ass at those games cmon hes smart he can handle it also: hilarious if he stalls out and u make him get out to check the engin im just sayin its funny and rewarding on multiple levels
im not fuckin OLD MAN im just fuckin war weary and shit ok
[He refuses to do math to realize how much older he actually is than the old men he used to know. Nobody tell him he's ten years older than Jacob Seed, he couldn't handle it.]
dont remember paris hilton at all. but i nver saw house of wax. so maybe.
rofl
well i hope your giles isnt gonna steal your organs. Heh. pretend i made a real witty organ/dick joke here 🫀🍆💦🤪 im like half hungover from the party and i only had like 4 drinks. not at my dickjoke best rite now.
jfc dude how do u not remember paris hilton that was like the funniest fuckin thing abt the movie she was p good tho i mean def cant sing but shes hot yk
i was kinda distracted okay! it was when i was in NY for training and holy shit are their clubs fucking awesome anyway i went home with someone and it was on in the background so i saw like 30 minutes of it but not 30 consecutive minutes also super high good times
shes not really my type im more all about the merovingian's wife in matrix like fuck also she's fully naked in brotherhood of the wolf and so is the dude from iron chef randomly soemthing for everyone i guess.
its this french movie with subtitles the plot is crazy convoluted and not just cuz you gotta read it but cuz it keeps jumping around all weird basically its about this secret society that has this monster that they think is a werewolf thats killing people and these two guys from america have been hired to figure out whats going on and theres some shit about the pope too? i dunno man but its basically a softcore porn with sword fights like theres a LOT of sex scenes for no reason and a really gratuitous rape scene that also doesnt fit anything thats going on the dude from iron chef does a bunch of karate and hes supposed to be a native american this movie is fucking insane
ooh la la look at you motherfucker reading ur fuckin movies like a goddamn nerd
the french fuckin hate or love the pope tho that guys all over the place in french shit i think hes like the dude on a horse statue in the middle of the eiffle tower or whatever they also looooooooooooove porn man no wonder it was softcore what the fuck did he need karate for i thought this was a monster hunter flick
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🤕
fuck man
that SUUUUUUUUUUCKS
[YEAH HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT ELSE HE CAN SAY THERE WITHOUT GETTING WEIRD]
i mean thats my life yk full of wacky shenanigans n shit
i think it was an eagle
like a marine eagle
mareagle
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[MOVING ON.]
the one thats like holding an axe in its talon?
if the world wasnt shit they could make a pretty baller show with just the 2 of you doing shit
like jackass
but rated x and with a lot more fire
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hurk thought bout doin one of those pilots once
chickened out after he threw a watermelon off the bridge east of rae raes
couldnt see it hit the bottom
which u kno it wasnt supposed to do
considerin he tied a shit ton of bungie cords to it
but i guess some of em came unhooked????
learned a lesson there about what bungie cords can and cannot do
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bounce back up so he could catch it in his teeth?
it probably cracked in half when it hit the end of the tether
theyre sorta easy to break
u can just drop them from normal height and theyll kinda split in half
used to do that for the wolves
because they look fucking stupid with huge chunks of watermelon in their mouths
and that made jacob mad
so i did it a lot
no subject
idk he was gonna work his way up to a pig i think but then
yk it snapped and freaked him out
told him to put ductape around the joints but like
guess its probably better he didnt
aw but dude wolves with watermelons is like
top 10 internet shit
soulless bastard those fuckin dogs needed some enrichment
like its fucked up u had to do anythin for them but like
at least they had u man
im sure they appreciated the shit outta those watermelons
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yea
he would have splattered
probs shouldnt have started with homemade bungie cords
& done something safer like
trying to do a backflip on a 4wheeler while jumping the henbane
and mb something is on fire
people dig the fire stuff on shows like that
woulda been your chance to break into hollywood and get access to the good shit. like military grade napalm
i coulda gone so viral if we still had decent internet access
and i had a phone
they didnt eat me even when told to so mission accomplished
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some real clutch nixon shit man!!!
man rip to hollywood 1 thing u dont realize with movies n shit everywhere
but life is fuckin BORING wo screen time
man dogs r good
ive turned around on the wolf thing now
its p fuckin sick u got that connection w them
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probaly jumping planks of wood on a bike
and then working up to cars on fire across pits of spikes with a live tiger int he backseat
im so mad the screen at the pool doesnt work
theres the arcade but sometimes i dont wnana play a game i just wanna watch some shit and zone out
i took lucius to the arcade and he was so fucking cute
never seen a video game before
and then fucking annihilated at pac man
theyre the only thing i got
felt bad for them cuz they got hella drugged
and the sounds they made were like
when you shoot the dogs in resident evil
awful
kinda wish they didnt have to go thru that
but it made them super smart
hope some of them survived the collapse
chillin in a cave
gnawing on the bones of peggies
no subject
esp the cool car version
i saw there was ddr but my back told me dont u fuckin dare lmao
man there were definitely some smart as fuck dogs out there
cap rescued this akita from the highwaymen that was so fuckin smart
like boomer kinda but even more
had this look in his eye when he watched you
like he knew what was goin on and had opinions about it
i bet you some of them survived and like
bred a bunch of super dogs
fucker was huge i wouldnt put it past him to be part wolf
no subject
gotta start with the basics
aw old man sharky
ill bring you snacks and shit if your stuck in bed cuz a storm is coming and your bones hurt
oh sick
im gonna pretend it is cuz that makes me feel better a little
something good in the bad you know.
no subject
fuckin 9 yos can whip ass at those games cmon hes smart he can handle it
also: hilarious if he stalls out and u make him get out to check the engin
im just sayin its funny and rewarding on multiple levels
im not fuckin OLD MAN im just
fuckin war weary and shit
ok
[He refuses to do math to realize how much older he actually is than the old men he used to know. Nobody tell him he's ten years older than Jacob Seed, he couldn't handle it.]
pretend all u want im like
80% sure its facts
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youve been thru the apocalypse man
being old is like a badge of honor
wear it with pride 🎖️
but make sure you wear your corrective shoe insoles and back brace when you do.
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sentimental gay ass motherfucker
just try me
👴🎾🤕
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man everytime i say his name i keep thinking of the dude from buffy like youre in some weird episode of a buffy the vampire slayer porn parody.
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me out here destined for anthony stewart head
get it
HEAD
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youre never allowsd to call me a nerd again.
sigh
yeah sure
that ones pretty good
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and his last name is a sex joke
🙌🎉🏆
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is that really the dude from buffy? like the guy in the leather apron glowy eyes tying people to tables.
fuck. did not see that coming for him.
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good voice tho so makes sense
i think paris hilton gets her face cut off? that happens right
idk maybe that was wax house
TBH all i remember is the part like
ZYDRATE COMES IN A LITTLE GLASS VIAL
a little glass vial?
A LITTLE GLASS VIAL
and the one head song where hes like
whyyyyyy am i the repo guy
this is a bad job and my daughter hates me
no subject
rofl
well i hope your giles isnt gonna steal your organs.
Heh.
pretend i made a real witty organ/dick joke here
🫀🍆💦🤪
im like half hungover from the party and i only had like 4 drinks.
not at my dickjoke best rite now.
no subject
🤣🤣🤣🤣
good one
jfc dude how do u not remember paris hilton
that was like the funniest fuckin thing abt the movie
she was p good tho i mean def cant sing but shes hot yk
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it was when i was in NY for training
and holy shit are their clubs fucking awesome
anyway i went home with someone and it was on in the background so i saw like 30 minutes of it
but not 30 consecutive minutes
also super high
good times
shes not really my type
im more all about the merovingian's wife in matrix
like fuck
also she's fully naked in brotherhood of the wolf
and so is the dude from iron chef randomly
soemthing for everyone i guess.
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goddamn we need a movie night on this fuckin ship
JFC
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the plot is crazy convoluted and not just cuz you gotta read it but cuz it keeps jumping around all weird
basically its about this secret society that has this monster that they think is a werewolf thats killing people and these two guys from america have been hired to figure out whats going on
and theres some shit about the pope too?
i dunno man
but its basically a softcore porn with sword fights
like theres a LOT of sex scenes for no reason
and a really gratuitous rape scene that also doesnt fit anything thats going on
the dude from iron chef does a bunch of karate and hes supposed to be a native american
this movie is fucking insane
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the french fuckin hate or love the pope tho that guys all over the place in french shit i think
hes like the dude on a horse statue in the middle of the eiffle tower or whatever
they also looooooooooooove porn man no wonder it was softcore
what the fuck did he need karate for i thought this was a monster hunter flick
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