[ic] contact

[broshaw]

"We're sorry, no one is available to take your call. At the tone, please record your message."
[text/call/actionspam]

Comments

[broshaw]

probably changed his sig once he got famous it wont count 🤦‍♂️
uuuuuh shit ok lemme think

[does he remember.........]

there was a goth kid w a flamethrower @ camp
i didnt talk 2 him sorta FUCKED at the time
i can ask around???

mb doesnt want u to stab her again?? not that u would just yk
probs thinks thats a thing

[theweakhavepurpose]

HE HAS A FLAMETHROWER?
DUDE.
y arentyou guys bffs?

i straight up told him i wanted 2 give it back in person cuz he wanted me to leave it w/ the faceless lady
& i wanted to give it back in person in ccase she wants to stab me again?
and he was like: that wont help her.
also has no facial expressions???
kid is fucking weird

i think hes an older version of that kid from the Omen movie.

[broshaw]

i was sick mosta the trip also hes uh
😐
yk???
1st rule of flamethrower ownership u dont bother a dude with a 😐 face when hes operatin his machine
thats how u get burned bro

i mean
hes right it wont help her
like it mit make her feel better but like
idk its like hittin a dog after it attacks u
it aint the dogs fault n kickin its only gonna make u feel worse abt urself???
i mean ya its ur b but still
dont gotta be rude abt it

[He absolutely assumes Pratt won't be offended being compared to a dog. It's coming from Sharky, the guy whose fursuit survived the Collapse. Animal metaphors are just part of it.]

so u got some fuckin damien rice patrick stump mf tailin u now cosa this chick huh
fuuuuuck man
gonna wind up topplin off down the middle of a stairwell or smthn
👁👁👥😈

[theweakhavepurpose]

we need 2 get u a flamethrower
u deserve it waaaaaay more

yeah but thats thinking rationally
kno when u dont think rationally?
after someone tries to spill your guts all over the floor
and u kill them

and like
i dunno
i probably tried to bite her
im really fucking stupid when im in that like half state between snapping and not
i probably walk into doors and shit

ok not that bad
but really dumb

yeah im going to have a mysterious accident where i fall off the ship with my arms and legs tied to a cement brick
weird
could happen to anyone, just a normal acciendt.

☠

[broshaw]

might surprise u 2 kno buddy but there are rational ppl on this ship
maybe dway is one of those weird ap teens who acts like theyre 40 years old

i kno this is gonna sound like a joke but u DID get a rabies shot like
before the whole thing went down right
like seriously dude rabies is one of my biggest fears
right up there with the clown from brave little toaster and hospitals

play his ringtone backwards + its like "hail satan you will die in 7 days"

[theweakhavepurpose]

my point was no ones rational if theyve seen their own entrails
it fucks you up

ur safe. im not gonna start foaming at the mouth
had to get vaxxed for rabies for search and rescue in case i got attacked by something
think if im getting attacked by a rabid bear the rabies is the least of my worries

k the clown is creepy but i think the car killing itself in the crusher thing while singing about how worthless it was would sustain a year of therapy if my health benefits covered any sort of mental health shit at all.

dont joke im gonna wake up with him standing over my bed with a brick.

[broshaw]

ok cool cool cool
fuck rabid bears fuck rabid wolverines fuck nature man

oh fuk i completely forgot about that
did u kno int aht movie the tv is lookin at girlie mags??? true story
that whole movies just like objectophilia and trauma man wtf were they doin showin that to kids
or moderately stoned adults tryin to relive their childhood for that matter

that bricks name? brendon urie

[theweakhavepurpose]

all those movies probably explain y a whole generation of kids got seriously fucked up. toy story had me crying if my mom threw away stepped on army men out of the cereal box.

is that falloutboy or linkin park? man i dont know all their names
but yeah
it'll be a black painted brick too
the super black
you know
vantablack?
that shit.

[broshaw]

the fuck did they think was gonna happen when every fuckin kids movie was pro-horders????

chester is lp i kno that one bc like. who the fuck is named fucking chester lol

so what the fuck do we do about brickdon urie and gway slittin ur throat in ritual sacrifice to emo???
do we put garlic outside the room or is that only for vampires??
idk does that even work on vampires....

maybe a jonas bros poster. just tape it to the door like a crucifix

[theweakhavepurpose]

wouldnt be surprised 2 find out that all those movies were sponsored by self storage centers knowing wed never get rid of shit

his name is chester??? jeez. poor guy.

defeat him w/ the power of hannah montana?
worth a shot

real talk tho
i told him where she can find me if she wants the knife back
so we see if he actually tells her.

[broshaw]

YOU WHAT??????????
🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️
hes ACTUALLY GOING 2 SHOW UP W A BRICK
dont get me wrong if the chick wants to stab u again and thats what u want man im not gonna get in the way or nothin
fairs fair i guess
but whys he gettin all involved???? not like u got me out there lookin for her n shit!!!
w/e
fuckin a man

should have picked a neutral spot
then it wouldnt look like a trap
cant really b a trap since its just like a room ig....

[theweakhavepurpose]

bro
where am i at all the time
its deff not my room
🍽️🍲🍨

i dunno dude hes super fucking weird
im not even sure what he wanted?
he just started accusing me of shit
well guess its not accusing if its shit idid but u know what i mean

tho wed have to go back to my room anyway
im not walking around with a knife
bad idea. for me.

[broshaw]

guess all u need is name/room# to contact ppl so really ur just like
handin out ur phone# to her

its probs some macho shit or w/e gotta defend his gf 👊
yk from the dude she murdered
🙄🙄

💯💯 ya vibes dude
save that shit for the excursions
when shit might actually b dangerous
LBR the whole thing started bc u had ur knife on u didnt it

[theweakhavepurpose]

that sounds way sexier than this is gonna be

lol
hes
kinda late for that
she can take care of herself
obvs
hes probably feeling all emasculated cuz he didnt get to do it for her
rofl

well if i hadnt had the knife i wouldnt have been able to gut her
but i think the problem is
uh
so
its kinda the jacket
but its more
me
i kinda dont want to type this

[broshaw]

man ppl here b freaks this could be the worlds worst meet cute
unless gway smashes ur face in 4 talkin 2 his girl smh teen machimso man


well u can either type it or tell it cos im not lettin that go
what do you mean its you??

[theweakhavepurpose]

pretty sure i ruined that already
tho if she goes for it
ifthat works
holy shit
yeah thats not gonna happen
i hope she has more standards than that
for her sake

[There's a long pause after that one. Probably a solid fifteen minutes where he tries to determine if this is better to type or say out loud. If he types it he doesn't have to see Sharky's face. But it also goes on the permanent record of his text messages. Hn.]

wearing it made the hallucination go away
for a while anyway
and then uh
he came back
withotu the jacket
cuz i have it
and i didnt take that well
obvs.

[broshaw]

[Sharky's face is probably a mix of confusion, pity, and sadness, so probably a good move not to do it face to face. Of course, Pratt's missing out on the bro-pat and the quiet, contemplative silence that would normally follow that kinda admission. You know, the real heavy shit.

Instead he gets:]

😔 buddy thats fucked up
like
hes not swayzeing you
hes just like
vibin in your mind palace or whatever right?

[theweakhavepurpose]

if a fucking pottery wheel shows up i am yeeting myself off the boat

yeah its
hes just there
in the periphery
judging me
all the time

the only good thing is getting to throw things right thru his head
sometimes it even makes him shut up

but cant do that when my roommate is around
she still thinks im normal.

[broshaw]

ok well like
he can sit there and watch u make out with hotties
flip him off while ur balls deep in lucius bud
thatll show him
fuck you jacob pratts busy gettin his dick sucked ass eaten out
balls tugged on 1 by 1
🖕🖕

really??? i mean thats good man
if u can pull in front of her i mean

[theweakhavepurpose]

[Pratt's groan can definitely be heard down the hall.]

he better not fucking be there when im balls deep in lucius
thats literally nightmare fuel bro
like
thats awful

wow. so confident in me
shes not here most of the time
and she has one of those boards like in the veterans center that has a bunch of pictures and red string so
kinda busy with that to notice me being a mess

shout out to the ghosts cleaning up so she never wakes up to a room covered in blood
theyre the real mvps here.

[broshaw]

ig i can get that RIP that suggestion
it blows

[Personally, he would love to see John Seed crying in the corner while he was railing some hot piece of ass. Really stick it to that sack of shit for acting like he was better than everybody else. Whatever! Pratt has mad issues, unlike Sharky, who clearly has none.]

how many fuckin times have u been bleeding all over ur room???

[theweakhavepurpose]

[ Sharky is deluding himself if he doesn't think John would spend the whole time making snide critiques before getting aggressively and uncomfortably into it and whispering suggestions right in Sharky's ear.

Unless that's what he's hoping for in which case Pratt doesn't wanna know.]

a couple
maybe uh 3
also the dude who stabbed me wants me to be a pirate now
so thats a thing
hope i get cool loot

[broshaw]

[Thankfully, we're post-truth-serum, so Pratt is never gonna find out!]

jfc man
stop gettin skewered!!!!
altho i guess like with pirates its a way 2 meet people so
i guess that ones ok

the short biker guy rite

[theweakhavepurpose]

better me than someone else!
him stabbing me means he didnt stab anyone else cuz he thought we were all ghosts or something
& i can take it
so
might as well use all that shitty training for somehting useful rite?

yeah that guy
someone said he sounds like me in reverse.
which
that tracks.

[broshaw]

ig
idk man i just feel like maybe we shouldnt be fuckin stabbin each other
but everbodys got fuckin knives on em 4 some reason!!!
w/e man just lmk if u need another set of stitches those were like the best i ever did

ok got it
dont wanna accidentally get fuckin skewered
im not cut out for that shit man
but i hope u become a pirate dude thatll b awesome